My Problems with Science Fiction "Facts"
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 by Brett Mobey
Spiderman's fucking boots:
Let's begin with a simple one. Spiderman's boots. Spiderman is able to climb walls because he has rough, hooklike hairs on his extremities like a spider does. This allows him to grip almost any surface. OK. I can get that, and he wears gloves but the sticky hairs can protrude through the gloves...but he wears fucking boots. Not socks, boots with soles. They aren't sticky and his stupid Spider-Hair can't go through boots. Fuck Spiderman's boots.
Superman's fucking flying abilities:
Asshole can lift a continent but has a hell of a time rescuing a jet. Stupid.
Harry Potter's fucking time-turner:
Turn back time an get another director to direct the first two movies. Then use it to fix everything that gets all fucked up when you don't use the time-turner. Oh, for all of you purists out there, I know that Hermione is technically the user of the time-turner but I don't care because if I did that would be even too geeky for me.
The Fucking Force:
Jesus Christ. Luke can't even get his lightsaber out of SNOW without making a face like he's constipated. And Yoda couldn't tell that EVERYONE was going to try to kill the Jedi? Nope, sorry Lucas go back and ask Ron Howard if you can wash his car for a living.
Let's begin with a simple one. Spiderman's boots. Spiderman is able to climb walls because he has rough, hooklike hairs on his extremities like a spider does. This allows him to grip almost any surface. OK. I can get that, and he wears gloves but the sticky hairs can protrude through the gloves...but he wears fucking boots. Not socks, boots with soles. They aren't sticky and his stupid Spider-Hair can't go through boots. Fuck Spiderman's boots.
Superman's fucking flying abilities:
Asshole can lift a continent but has a hell of a time rescuing a jet. Stupid.
Harry Potter's fucking time-turner:
Turn back time an get another director to direct the first two movies. Then use it to fix everything that gets all fucked up when you don't use the time-turner. Oh, for all of you purists out there, I know that Hermione is technically the user of the time-turner but I don't care because if I did that would be even too geeky for me.
The Fucking Force:
Jesus Christ. Luke can't even get his lightsaber out of SNOW without making a face like he's constipated. And Yoda couldn't tell that EVERYONE was going to try to kill the Jedi? Nope, sorry Lucas go back and ask Ron Howard if you can wash his car for a living.
| »
